In my early 20's, those of you who know me, know that Jesus was the farthest thing from my mind. Instead of Jesus, my thoughts and desires steered a different course, seeking pleasures in the world and the things of it. A life of bong hits and beer chasers; bars and bros; a good time was the objective, and it was found, or so I believed, most of the time. During this time I became a huge fan of Jimmy Buffett. His songs of the ocean, the lifestyle, the romance and hedonistic indulgences of the "pirate" life struck a chord in rebellious youth. When you listened you could see yourself living that way forever. A relentless pursuit of self that would make Solomon blush.
One of Buffett's iconic songs is entitled "A Pirate Looks at Forty." In this "Parrothead" favorite, Buffett looks back at a youth filled with the adventure and "high times" that define a life in pursuit of the pleasures of the world, and in a day when the age 40 was considered getting older, declares that while some wisdom has been accrued, life still holds much for the pirate on the seas of self indulgence. It paints the picture well that one need not grow old when it comes to life's party. In my 20's, that was the goal, to live like that forever.
As my 20's passed and I entered my 30's, I still lived that life with a pirate's zeal. But the older I got, the less pleasure I found. Heart wrenching relationships that brought much pain were covered by alcohol and drugs, and the more money I made, the more I spent, with nothing in life to show for it but loneliness and wondering is this really all there is. As I approached age 40 I looked back and found nothing of the pleasure and romance that pirate of Buffett's ballad saw. I saw a wasted life. I was lonely, depressed, hoping for something to fill the void that a life in pursuit of self had left. Then my dad died.
When my father, Jim Phillips, the legendary voice of the Clemson Tigers, passed suddenly on September 9, 2003, I was actually a member of a local church. I had been for about a year and a half. After September 11, 2001, I began searching for answers, like many others after the tragedy of that day. I knew who Jesus was from my childhood. I believed everything that the bible taught of Him. I believed He died on the cross for my numerous sins and was raised from the dead. Intellectually, I had no doubt in my mind these things were true. But in my heart those desires of the flesh still lived and still ruled. I was an active church member. In the small church I attended, one which lacked younger people and leaders, I was so active I was elected a deacon, yet outside of church, I still lived in the world. I believed in my head but not in my heart. I was lost, and still struggling to find exactly what could fill that seemingly bottomless void I still had inside me.
Dad's death hit me hard, as we were close, and it was sudden and unexpected. But it was during that week following his death that God began to reveal Himself to me in ways I still to this day can't fully describe. As I look back on it now, I know this was His "drawing" me to Jesus. But at the time I was still focused on me, and while I knew He was the one doing these things, I still ran to the world instead of to Him. That all changed in December of that same year.
Those months following dad's death were filled with more money than I had ever made in my life. The small business I owned was thriving and I had to hire 3 additional people just to cover all the work coming in. I was in church, active and my business was exploding. Yet I was still miserable. I was miserable until one morning at my kitchen table I broke. I can remember as if it were yesterday the seemingly audible words that thundered in my spirit, "My Son died for you!" And as I wept bitterly that morning I received Jesus Christ as my Savior. In the twinkling of an eye, I suddenly knew a different path was ahead of me. I had purpose and I had zeal for it, but I didn't know a thing.
Those first few months after receiving Christ were what the bible clearly describes as "spiritual warfare." I honestly do not think Satan ever thought he would ever lose me, and to speed my growth God allowed the devil to come against me with vengeance. I remember distinctly one night standing in my living room arguing with demons who were trying to convince me to renounce my faith. The demons have that same faith I once had, they know God is real, but they do not have what I now had, God's Spirit inside of me. They brought great confusion and I really had no clue how to deal with them. I was on fire for God but was a bull in a china shop. I thought I could change the world beginning with the small church I was serving in, but actually caused more problems than anything else.
Thankfully I had a pastor who showed extraordinary patience and love, Scott Kiser, who somehow put up with my challenges to his authority and remained there for me. I don't think he fully understood all that was happening, but he never stopped trying to help me. For that patience I am eternally grateful. I also had a retired pastor, Gerald McKay, who was a fellow deacon with me. In a deacons meeting where I was enduring a needed chastening, he in his wisdom saw exactly what I was enduring, and pointed me to where I could find the answers on how to begin to follow Jesus. He said to me, "you're being sifted." I sat there bewildered, not knowing what he meant, but when I got home I sought the bible and read of where Jesus told Peter that the devil had sought permission to sift the disciple, and it had been granted. Just as Jesus foretold, Peter went on to deny Christ 3 times, and his pride was shattered like like an egg falling to the floor. It was messy, but Jesus was there to clean up the mess. He was there for me as well.
After that I began consuming God's word. I knew the things I needed the learn and know would be found there, and they indeed have been. I would soon leave Peniel Baptist Church in Timmonsville, SC with full confidence I had been called to preach, though not really knowing how that would happen. I joined a church I had spoken at for Father's Day earlier that year in October of 2004, East Pickens Baptist Church, in Pickens, SC, and set out with the same zeal and a little better direction than I had known a few months earlier. There I fell under the guidance of Pastor Carl Martin who generously opened doors for me to learn and preach, and I did so with gusto. I was still young in my walk and still managed to do my best Peter impersonation inserting my foot in my mouth many times, but once again God had provided a place where I could mature in my faith. East Pickens licensed and ordained me in September of 2005, and God continued to show his mighty hand and open doors I did not know how to.
In January of 2007 I was teaching on Wednesday nights at East Pickens and taking every other opportunity to do so that was provided. I was on fire and truly enjoying life, but then, a feeling awakened inside of me I had not felt for years. Like Adam, I realized I was alone, and my heart started yearning again for that helpmeet. Although East Pickens was a fairly large church, their really were not many singles my age in it. I had never in my life looked to date as a Christian, and was really clueless in just how to go about it. A friend suggested I join a Christian dating site, so I did, and within days I had more women looking to meet me than I ever had in my life! I went out with more women in a 6 month period than I had in my entire life I think, and if I were still my old heathen self, I'd have thought I had found the holy grail. Every woman, all claiming to be Christian, on our first dates, threw themselves at this 42 year old fat preacher like a 15 year old at Justin Bieber. On every date I had the opportunity to sleep with a very attractive woman, yet inside of me, I knew God said no, and I also had a lifetime to look back upon and know I had never found what I was looking for doing it that way. In August of that year, as I bypassed probably the most physically beautiful woman I have ever gone out with, I met Ashley Sofield on line. We immediately hit it off. It was a struggle for both of us to stay true to scriptures teachings on dating, but we managed to do so. We were meeting each others family, and mine loved her, and we seemed to be on the right path in spite of the expected bumps that come with pursuing love and Godliness in a fallen world. However, at about the same time me and Ashley began seeing each other, I received a phone call from a small church in Chesterfield, SC, and we began speaking about me becoming their pastor. In January 2008, 4 months after me and Ashley began dating, I was called as pastor of Oakland Baptist Church. I knew I had to answer the call, but me and Ashley faced a decision. Thankfully for me, she decided to continue the relationship even with the coming distance between us.
We continued our relationship long distance. She would come down on the weekends and stay at a bed and breakfast in our small town, and yes, the rumors did circulate. In this day it seems no one can believe two people will pursue marriage God's way, but we can say together, they can. I proposed in May 2008 and we were married in October. When we left on our honeymoon we were not sure if we'd be returning with me as pastor or not due to some conflict in the church. When we returned I was still the pastor and would continue to be so for nearly 3 more years. The conflict never really subsided but during that trial by fire we grew closer even through the bumps of early marriage, made some incredible friends, and learned many things that are required to be a pastor and wife. In November of 2010, with Ashley out of work for over a year and the conflict from a few church members stifling the furtherance of our ministry there, we both agreed it was time to seek God's will for a new church. 6 months later I received a call from a church I'd never heard of, Woodfield Park Baptist Church in Columbia. They wanted to come hear me preach.
The search committee showed up and everyone knew who they were. The folks who had opposed us almost our entire ministry treated them like royalty, they were ready to see us go! The majority of the congregation knew our situation and while saddened, were resigned to what needed to happen. After a meeting after the service with the search committee, I preached a month later at Woodfield Park, and the Holy Spirit moved. In June 2011 we preached en lieu of call and were voted in unanimously as pastor and wife and still serve joyfully here today.
As this pastor looks at fifty(I turn fitty August 21), I can look back now with a far different viewpoint than that wannabe pirate of my 20's. At 39 I was lost, lonely, depressed and searching. 40 held no appeal. At 49 I am saved, joyful, sharing life with my soul mate, serving God in a loving church, and fifty is greatly anticipated. Those wasted years are experiences God allows me to minister to others through. My beard is graying and my hair is thinning; my waste line is still to big and my mouth still gets me in to trouble sometimes. But in Jesus I became a "new creation," I was "born again" and life is truly full of adventure and pleasure. But the adventure and pleasure is centered around Jesus, and marriage, and a life with purpose.
I still know many living that pirate's life, and I pray someday they will come to know what I have. As appealing as a lifestyle focused on self can seem to be, it's a dead end road. But in Jesus there is hope! His desire is to see you turn to Him! If you will, it won't be easy. But if you do, you have God with you, and He will never leave you nor forsake you. Believe me, Jesus beats the world every time. Arrrrrrrrrrr.......Amen
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